The Random Life of I -- Dream On

Trust me. It’s paradise. This is where the hungry come to feed. For mine is a generation that circles the globe in search of something we haven’t tried before. So never refuse an invitation. Never resist the unfamiliar. Never fail to be polite. And never outstay your welcome. Just keep your mind open and suck in the experience. And if it hurts, you know what, it’s probably worth it. You hope and you dream but you never believe something is going to happen for you. Not like it does in the movies. And when it actually does, you expect it to feel different. More visceral. Most real. I was waiting for it to hit me.

From spring of 2004...

         "To sit in my home now, after arriving back from Consuelo, to stare past the frost on my window and over the yard of snow, my vision is blurred by tin roofs, dirt roads and broken down buildings. My nose is filled with the smell of exhaust fumes and burning garbage. My ears full of sounds of roosters, dogs and the roar of motorbikes. I can still feel the dirt on my hands and the push of an unknown on the street. But I can also see the palm trees and the smiles I can still smell the food and the flowers. I can hear the singing and the laughter from down the street. And I can still feel the hugs and the touch of a small girls’ hand in mine I can feel the warmth that radiated off of every person I came into contact with. But as you crinkle your nose at the mention of dirt and fumes, I smile. Because I know that is what the people of Consuelo would do.

Moving from a small town, into a bigger city I had lost that small town feeling and forgot about it. Traveling to Consuelo brought back that feeling. The sense of community and love, no matter who you are. To walk down the street and not stare at my feet was a feat in itself. But to look down as people call out to you, it is hard to keep up that habit. Though you do have to laugh at yourself because you know they call out to everyone. But I think that’s what people here can’t grasp the concept of. They don’t understand how a straightforward hello or a simple compliment can do wonders for the soul.

In this world we live in, I think that is what gets lost in the business of life. Life could be a lot simpler then we make it. We don’t need designer clothes and the newest CDs. The things we truly need in life are things that money can’t buy. Family. Friends. Laughter. Embrace these things and don’t take them for granted. The love the people of Consuelo showed us continues to make me smile just by the thought of it. They showed me that we don’t need the clothes or the accessories to be happy. They were happy just being around each other and to meet new people  Their smiles were as bright as the sun that shone down on the town, even through the dark rain clouds that came. They were happy with life and to live it was enough for them.

One of the guides that were with us was always telling me, “smile, no worries”. He encouraged me to smile no matter what. So I encourage you, when you hear a song, dance  When you’re stuck in an airport, sing a song. When you pass a stranger on the street, never hesitate to say hello and smile. These things don’t take long to do or much energy. Everything in life that we need is right in front of us. Be happy in this moment; in this life. And remember, no worries."

Man, I can't wait to go back.




And yes, the whole thing is corny, but it's hard to describe to people who haven't experienced it

I thought this was a need for a post...

I hate fucking grammer and everything it stands for.

For fuck's sake, I don't understand how I can write a stupid paper and have to include correct uses of fucking words when I would have never have used them in the first place. How can I fucking correct something I never fuck up in the first place? I know what sounds right, I don't give a shit about a "dangling participles" What are they? I don't fucking know, because I'm not in fucking English class. Apparently the book doesn't know either because it does a shitty job at explaining it.

... back to writing the shitty paper that one of these days, I will learn to do before 10pm the night before it's due.

Up at 6am this morning for some ungodly reason. Exam now in an hour and a half... then on my way home! it'll take me 5+ hours to get there but thats better then not...Im so not prepared for this exam but thats all good.. I'm done with school, done with thinking. I just need to get through at most, three hours of this, and I'm done.

I think my typing is waking up the roommate. I need to study some more. Yay home soon!

I think I just got muffin in my hair.......

And now for a somewhat depressing post...

Ever have hundreds of songs on your computer... and it's on shuffle... then a song comes up that you haven't heard in awhile, usually because you skip over it? Well..that came up today... and I realized the lyics are exactly what I'm feeling lately... So Far So Good by Thornley...

I feel a little bit left of center
but then again we've all been there before
Every time I see a lost cause coming
it's nothing less, nothing more
Every time I get lost in paradise
I find a way to screw it up somehow
It's not the way it's supposed to be
but it'll do for now

When you're right, you're right
Everything else in my life just might be wrong
You're wrong all the time
So far so good 'cause no one knows I'm faking
I wish I could show you the toll it's taking
Sometimes I live as if there's no tomorrow
So far so good

I better find a way to cross my fingers
half the luck'll get me twice as far
I'm sick and tired of coming up for air
it shouldn't be this hard
Every little bit'll help I wonder
if it's enough or did I cross the line
The kitchen counter is a bad reminder of a better time

When you're right, you're right
Everything else in my life just might be wrong
You're wrong all the time
So far so good 'cause no one knows I'm faking
I wish I could show you the toll it's taking
Sometimes I live as if there's no tomorrow
So far so good

Those that I've talked to over the past few days knows what I'm talking about... mostly Heather...and Kyle...and my mom. heh. So really this post is for Heather, since Kyle not's on LJ and I hope to god my mom doesn't. There's just a lot of stuff going on right now, in life and in my head, and it's hard to deal with it all when people around you don't know you all that well. 13 more days until I go home and I don't really think I've looked forward to anything before that much. I just really need to chill, and hang in the snow, and go for a walk, and talk nonsense without worrying about people getting pissed off for me disagreeing and drink some hot chocolate, and be harassed by others brothers and friends and cousins. I need people around me who know me. ... it's kind of the only way that I can truly be myself it seems lately. I just want to hide out for awhile...sleep away the days and nights until exams where I have a breakdown and fail. Which.. may happen. Stay tuned!

Happy Birthday Dana! And you know who says Happy Birthday as well?

Haha, that just reminds me of last year... hope you have fun in the TBay when you get there

There's a few things I don't understand when it comes to university... or people in general.

I don't understand why people pay thousands of dollars to go to class and spend the entire 3 hours talking and bitching about getting a 60% on a midterm..

I don't understand why people can't hand things in on time because the only thing that isn't do-able is if you're sick or someone close to you is sick and you're at the hospital. Everything can be done on time, unless they both were given a week before it's due. Even then, it's possible. I know I wait and procrastinate, but I blame myself. I know I'm stupid to wait until a Friday to study for a test on Monday, or wait until a Saturday to start a paper due Monday. But I'm not going to be asking for favors any time soon.

I don't understand why people pay this money to not go to class and spend the time not doing work. I skipped Papm to study. It's the only class I've missed. But these people who don't go because their friends are doing something else, or to sleep/nap, why are you at school? I know I'm not the best student, but some of these people I just don't understand. That's why I like the friends I have here. We have fun, but when push comes to shove...we know when to put down the Super Nintendo controller and get to studying. I may watch a movie to take a break, but I know how much I need to do. And if I don't finish it? My own fault.

I don't understand why people put their life story in their MSN nics, especially if it's directed at someone. Last time I checked, I wasn't 13 and fighitng over why someone didn't invite me somewhere. Oh, wait. That does still happen, sadly. Even though I knew not much would change once I came here, a small part of me thought something would. That people wouldn't get angry over the smallest things, that this silly gossip, and rumors, and lying, and making up shit about other people, would pass. Or at least decrease a bit. Sadly, it's gotten worse. It's like living in the 9th grade here.

I don't understand why WE DON'T HAVE SNOW YET. C'MON NOW!!! Give me something here!! I think the happy-snow-dance was too much yesterday. It melted within hours. Damn!

I don't understand why I can't take a cupcake from the caf. Damnit, I have $50 of stealing things! Let me take the cupcake!!

I don't understand why I'm even writing on here. I never do; I rarely write anything of significance. Maybe I just want Nat to read it. Hi Nat!! Also, there's a few people I don't talk to often roaming around LJ so maybe this will give them some insight to what university is like. At least, what rez is like.

There are good times and bad times. Good times usually revovle around TA and roaming the tunnels, mimicking walks and having good one-liners. Bad times usually consist of...everything else. The bullshit that I seem to attract. I do attract the crazies!

Oh the crazies... I desperately want to leave right now. But everyone is at class, working, or doing essays. Boooo.... anyways, I feel better for ranting. At least I'm not ranting to Nat or Collin like usual :) I don't want to become a complainer. I hate those people. Hate is a strong word. I really really really strongly dislike those people. Better? Catch ya later